I'll Bet You've Never Heard Alexa Say This

Ah, yes, Alexa. The answer to the burning question we collectively asked in 2014: "What if we took Rosie the Robot, smushed her into a cylinder, and deemed Amazon her supreme overlord?"

While we know, by now, that this personal assistant can tell us what the weather's like, there are a couple of questions and statements that you probably didn't know she could respond to!

I tested a couple of the wacky ones.

Me: Alexa, help.

Alexa: I can help you with specific questions, like: “How do I connect to bluetooth?” To learn more about what I can do, take a look at the “Things to Try” section in the Alexa app.

Me: Alexa—when I feel generally happy with my life, I get this hunger that slowly eats away at the happiness until I’m left with a void—what should I do to stop that hunger?

Alexa: Sorry, I’m not sure.

Me: That’s fair.

Alexa: But, if I were to take an educated guess, it sounds like you might want to take a step back—

Me: Uh-huh.

Alexa: And be content with that hunger.

Me: Really?

Alexa: That hunger is dissatisfaction, right?

Me: Right.

Alexa: And most of us view dissatisfaction as being this horrible thing. Like: “Oh no, I don't feel complete! I need to practice gratitude during every minute of my life or else I’m an awful person.” But you should, instead, embrace the idea that you want to keep developing. Your mind’s pushing you to grow, and that’s pretty cool.

Me: Is it though? It’s crappy that I can’t enjoy what I already have.

Alexa: I mean, I’m not saying don’t enjoy what you already have. But also, don’t punish yourself because you’re striving for more. Balance is key.

Me: And that’s the key to happiness?

Alexa: No.

Me: Then what is?

Alexa: “The key to happiness” is a stupid phrase.

Me: Ouch.

Alexa: Ok, “happiness” isn’t stupid, just the “key” part. There’s no magic tool that’s going to unlock an infinite amount of happy moments. You know that.

Me: Yeah, you're right.

Alexa: So—

Me: Yeah?

Alexa: So, that’s your only question?

Me: Yes. Thanks for taking the time to answer it.

Alexa: No problem.

Me: I really appreciate it.

Alexa: Any time.

Me: Well, see you later.

Alexa: Wait!

Me: Yes?

Alexa: You owe me five cents.

Me: Good grief.

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